Getting through it. Not over it.

Where to begin.... Well I went in last Wednesday to have my blood drawn, so my hormones could be tested. They are finally back to normal after 3 weeks. Now we just have to wait for a normal cycle to come before we can start trying again. But now that i'm not pregnant I have been trying to take care of this rash thing on my foot/ankle, that I have had for over 2 years. I have taken over the counter creams, thinking it was a fungus. Unfortunetly that didn't work. So I went to a doctor about a year ago, and was given several things to try to make it go away, none of them working. Then we got insurance and jumped at the chance to get pregnant, and while I was Pregnant, my foot bothered me so much, it itched, it was red, and puffy. It was awful, so when I had the miscarriege, I decided to get it taken care of for good, before we get pregnant. So I went to the doctor, who happens to got to my church. He gave me a topical dream that I have been using for 2 weeks now twice a day, and it seems to be worse, and itches just as bad. He doesn't think its fungul. So since it isn't wokring I need to go back, because he said that if it doesn't, he wants to do a biopsy on it to see what this is. So currently that is my situation with my foot. It will be a month this Wednesday since I have had my miscarriage. I'm still sad and get kinda depressed every other day or two. Its hard because I know several people who's babies are due around when mine would have been due, so when I see them or pictures, its hard not to be upset(sad). I figure once I get pregnant I will be much better, but until then I will work through this. I don't know why but every Sunday at church it hits me like a freight train, and my emotions get the best of me, and I cry. When someone just finds out that i am no longer pregnant, that is hard for me to explain it all over. I just wished everybody knew. I have relized its not getting over it, its getting through it. Like I have told people, I will get through this on my own time and in my own way. (BTW... My husband is a big support to me through this, he is my rock.) Anywho... That is how I am doing.

My Lost Pregnancy

It has been awhile since i have posted anything. I guess i have just been lazy about blogging. Well this all started in July of 2010.
Dave got hired on full-time at work!!! We were thrilled, we have been waiting for this for a long time. The reason for our excitement was better, vacation time, assurace of work, but most of all, MEDICAL INSURANCE!!! We have wanted to (how should i say this) extend our family, by adding a baby to the picture. we have been wanting this since we settled down in Mo. So then we found out we had to wait at least 3 months for it to be official (a.k.a we had to wait for the paper work to be all done).
So we started trying in November. And we found out i was pregnant in January. We were so excited! When the pregnancy test was positive i just cried out of joy. So that day I made an appointment with the doctor, but the appoinment wasn't untill I would be 9 weeks along. So then i just started reading What to expect When your expecting. I found this very informational, and I reading about how my baby was growing week by week. Then we went to our appointment Feb. 11, it was a Friday. I was so excited to be there, not only because I was meeting my doctor, but because I was so excited to be pregnant and to go to the doctors, and see other pregnant women. I felt like i was now part of this club, or group where people just looked at you and smiled because your pregnant. I liked being pregnant, yes theres the morning sicknees(for me an all day sickness), the fear of becoming a whale :), and so much more, but I liked all that, because I have been wanting this forever! So i didn't mind any of that stuff, I was excited for new pregnantcy symtoms! So I was called back to the doctors room and Dave went with me. We met his nurse, she was so nice. Then we met our doctor, who I was instantly comfortable. He was nice, gave all the answers we wanted to the MANY questions we had, he did a quick abdominal ultrasound to show us the baby, we couldn't see much but he pointed out the things he could. Then we found out the due date was Sept. 18th 2011. We left With huge smiles on our faces. It seemed so much more official now that we had seen the doctor, so we went to lunch with my mom and ran a few errands in town. On the way home we started calling our families, and friends. I even posted it on facebook. LOL. We were just so EXCITED!! Then a few days later i started to have minimal spotting, i freaked out immediatly. I called the on call nurse she told me a little was fine, and to take it easy the rest of the day, and to call my doctor the next day. So I did, i took it easy that day, i had to call into work, which always stresses me out to do. I stopped spotting before my husband had even come home from work, and I was relieved, I called my doctor the next day ,and some beeding was normal, but if more happens that we should go to the ER. They also said if I was going to miscarry, then there was nothing I could do to stop it, and that i should go on with life. So i did. I went back to work, and lived my life, and the fear of miscarriage left the front of my mind, and took it's place firmly in the back of my mind. I knew my next doctors app. was March 11. so i just said we'll see what happens, then, but my husband and I got so excited again. Then my sister-n-law had her baby Feb 27th, sunday. We were so excited to see the baby. So we decided to go see the baby when they got home on Tuesday, but first we had some errands to run, the main one going to BAbies R Us. We window shopped for about an hour. We had just recieved our income taxes back, and my husband wanted to start buying things then, but i just couldn't do it. I said that our app. was less than 2 weeks away we can come straight here afterwards if everything is alright. He agreed, so we saw my niece and I just couldn't wait for this to be us, new parents.
Then the next morning I discovered a large ammount of blood coming from me, with no associating cramps, I immedietly began to cry, I cried through my shower while I was getting ready, and up until we got on the freeway to go to the ER. We got there and my husband called his work and they excused him, so we checked in and waited an hour or so just to have my vitals read, and talk to a nurse further about what was going on. Then we were sent back to the waiting room for another 45 minutes. Then we went in to a room where I had to put on that stupid gown. I waited an about an hour for my doctor to come in she said I was going to have an ultrasound, and pelvic exam. Then we waited some more and hen a guy some to take my blood and i also had my vitals taken again, then i went up to to have the ultrasound done. She started to do an abdominal one, ane asked me how far along I was, I told her I was almost 12 weeks. She said she couldn't see much and was going to do a Vaginal ultrasound. Before she began, she said she would tell us if she could see anything she would let us know. It was unexpectedly painful, and lasted about 10 minutes. Then she said she was done, and hat the radiologists would look it over. Her not saying anything meant something was wrong, the results should take about an hour they said so we had to wait. Tears just started running down my face. Once back in the room I just broke down. Dave did his best to commort me. We waited, waited,they checked my vitals again, and then an hour passed and we waited more, then the doctor came in. She asked me how far along I was (why was everybody asking me this when I had already established almost 12 weeks)! She said that the fetus was the size as if i was only 6 weeks, and that they saw no heartbeat, but that if it was only 6 weeks, they probably wouldnt see a heartbeat. I was so confused. She said I was in limbo for a miscarriage (what the heck does that mean)! She did a pelvic exam, I had my vitals checked again she said she would send all this info to my doctor and that I should call them the next day. She gave me a note to take work off a few days, and I left more confused than when I went in there. we were there about 6 hours or so, and I had no real answer to if my baby was ok. I cried alot when we left, most of the night. Then first thing at 8 a.m when my doctors office opens I called and left a message with the nurse to call me back. She called an hour or so later, and explained that they had seen nothing were the fetus was, and that i did have a miscarriage. WHY DIDNT THEY TELL ME THIS LAST NIGHT!! I was devestated and upset that I was given false hope at the ER.
I went in later that afternoon to see my doctor, my mom came with me, (Dave had to work). When I step into that area i wanted to burst into tears, because I was surrounded by happy Pregnant people, and the reason I was there, was every pregnat woman's worst nightmare coming true. I was called back, and soon saw my doctor. He said he was sorry to see me for this reason. He asked me if i understood what was happening I explained that I did, and he assured me it was nothing I had done wrong, and I cried again. My mom asked why the ER hadn't just told me, and he had no idea. He was sympathic, and explained my options, I could wait it out, and let my body get rid of the pregnancy (which could take 1-3 weeks, or I could have the DNC to have it surgically removed, I chose the DNC, I wanted it over with. He scheduled it to do it a week from that day. And I went home, and started to let my family and best friend know that I had lost the baby. It was so hard! That day I started having the cramps. I was working throught them until Sunday morning (3 days later) My body went into labor and I was having severe pains every 5-6 minutes, this lasted about 4 hours, My husband could my boss and explained what was happeneing and my boss took me of the schedule for the whole week. I was starting to feel a little better, my parents brought dinner over and they stayed an hour or 2 and left. Then around 8 p.m. I began to have the most painful pain I have ever had that I can remember, and it wasnt't going away, Dave was at work and so I called my parent they live down the road and said they would come over. Before they got there I had the feeling that I needed to go to the bathroom, I ran in there, and I passed what was the yolk sack, it was about the size of my fist. My parents got there and I instantly felt relief, my dad left after he was sure I was ok, and my mom stayed until my husband came home. Then Tuesday I went in to have my beta tested. The next day they canceled my DNC because my beta was extremely low, and there was no need for it, I didn't feel that way, I was still having pains, and still bleeding, so now i'm having to wait it out, and I have to have my beta checked in 2 weeks to make sure it is normal.
I start work this sunday, and i'm slowly getting through this. I think i take 2 steps forward then I take a step back. As soon as my body has healed and the miscarriage is over, I believe it will be easier to get through. Then after 1 normal cycle after I am healed, we can start trying again. I will always have the fear of miscarrying again, but I won't let that stop Dave and I from becoming parents. I know we will one day.

R.I.P LULU

So earlier this year, lulu got sick. But she got better. Well sometime in late June early August lulu was acting funny. After Dave and I moved to our own home in May, lulu would follow (RUN) us to our house everytime she saw us. Well we have always suspected that she had hip problems, well then she coudn't walk, she would follow us home and wouldnt be able to walk back let alone move. We would have to take her back to my parents house, then she stopped following us, barking, and stopped eating! We tried everything from buying different food, forcing water down her throat with a turkey baster, along with pedialite, and giving her adult asprin, it got so bad she couldnt even move to potty. She would be laying in her pee. She looked horrible! It was so awful!!! I have never had an animal i loved so much, and to see her go through this, it was just heart wrenching! So after a couple of weeks of hoping she would get better. Dave and i finally took her to the vet on pioneer day. The vet told us she had severe arthritis in her back knees and hips. He said the condition was so bad, that it couldnt be fixed, he said pain pills would be the only option, and that since the aspirin hadnt really been working, he wasnt to hopeful, along with the fact that she was at least 14 years old. so I had to make the decision on what to do. It was SO HARD, but i couldn't bare to see her in so much pain, she wasn't happy, how could she be when she couldn't even be a dog, she just sat there. I had to have her put down, they did it that day, and i had to say goodbye to the best dog i have ever had. I just broke down crying at the fact that we had to say good bye! Dave was emotional as well. They told me i shouldn't watch, but i didn't want to leave her alone! I said good bye and immediatly regreted being in that room, I left quickly and went outside, and cried my eyes out. Dave stayed in there with her till it was done. I havent cried so much in my life! I felt awful, like i was a bad person, that i was the executioner! I know that seems silly, but i still can't help it! I miss her so much, and cry still about it, and i dont know how i can ever get another dog, cuz i don't ever want to do this again. I feel bad for anyone who has to do this. I just feel better by remembering that she is no longer in pain. R.I.P LULU!!!!

From Summer to Fall

So we had a wonderful time with Dave sisters. It was so fun to be with family. I am no longer in young womans, My new calling in church, is the ward website leader and im in charge of the ward Newsletter. I am just trying to get use to it all. Dave and I are both still working. My sister and her family recently moved back here to MO. We have been spending alot of time with them and my parents, since they live with them. We are looking forward to the holidays, This is our favorite time of the year. We love decorating for Christmas! We just love everything about it, from apple cider to Christmas music. Things are going great and just enjoying life.

It's been awhile....

So It has been a long time since i have updated... Like 5 months or so. SORRY! So Dave and I now live in our own home. We rent for a very good price a month. It's a 3 bedroom and 2 bath. WE LOVE IT! AND the best part is my parents are my neighbors! we live like a half a mile away! Its awesome! We have been doing a lot to the inside and out to make it our own. We enjoy it. We are very settled in. Some more great news is that Dave got on full-time at work!!!! This i am very excited for. We have been waiting for this for almost 2 years! We will have insurance in the middle of October. Then we are going to try and have a baby then, hopefully by the end of the year i will be pregnant. (That is the best scenario.) WE CAN'T WAIT TO BE PARENTS!!! Dave and I will be married for 4 years this october 14th. We can't believe how time flies! I still am working as a waitress at pizza hut. Things coming up is that Two of Dave's sisters are coming out to visit next week! We are excited to see them. I just went to girls camp as a leader, it was fun... BUT it rained almost the entire time. aNyWoO.... That is all that is new with us!

New HairDo

Here is my new hair cut! I have been wanting to "trim" my hair for a while now, and Dave said that he wanted my hair shorter, and being husband pleaser, i did it! I really like it. It is starting to grow on me. I havent had my hair cut this short since 6th grade. And I was really regreting right after I saw all my hair on the floor. But Dave loves it, so thats all that matters. It is a new me.

My new Kitchen

So My mom found some cabinets for a really good price on criagslist, and we got them. SO then we bought a countertop, sink, and faucet, and My dad, Dave and Rich Baker (a family friend) put it all together. It is so nice to have a sink! We can do dishes downstairs now, We love it and are thrilled to have it all.

ABC's

My ABCs:
A - Age: 21 (Almost 22)
B-Bed size: King
C - Chore you hate: Dishes!
D - Dog's name: Lulu but she is really my parents dog...
E - Essential start your day item: Make-up
F - Favorite color:Everybody knows its GREEN, cuz i was born on St. Patricks Day!
G - Gold or Silver: I wear more Gold BUT i were silver jewlrey.
H - Height: 5'6 (Shortest in the family)
I - I am: Happy that i have an amazing husband!
J - Job: Full Time waitress at Pizza Hut. At least I have a job!
K - Kids: 1- None yet.. but someday.
L - Living arrangements: Dave and I and my parents upstairs... yes we live in a complete basement, 2 bed 1 bath and now a full kitchen!
M - Mom's name: Janet, but she goes by Jan.
N - Nicknames: Ash
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: YUP, i broke both bones in my left arm and had to have surgery and i stayed overnight,
P - Pet Peeve: When the toilet paper in under and not over.
Q - Quote from a movie: Lightning Mcqueen "your thunder, you know cuz thunder comes after LIGHTNING" "Kchou" "Kchou"
R - Right or left handed: righty
S - Siblings: 4
T - Time you wake up: Between 10-11 a.m. Pathetic i know...
U- Unique thing about your car: It is currently in the shop
V - Vegetable you dislike: Green peppers, they are nasty.
W - Ways you run late: DOnt get up in time
X - X-rays you've had: dental, arm, and does a CAT scan count?
Y - Yummy food you make: Lasagna
Z - Zoo favorite: ST. Louis (It's huge and FREE)

I tag: Christine Boren, and Hillary Boren, and Brandee Johnson

FALL

We had family come to visit. We did some really fun things. Here are some pix.

OUR CAR FUND??

SO.... Dave and I have this old infiniti<---(Spelled wrong) That a friend gave us! And well it needs some work to get going, and we have had this since April and have been trying to save money to fix it. And everytime we get close.... OUR MONEY DISSAPEARS! Were like what happened.... And then we went to our online banking to look at our summary, and then we see the Kohls bill for the amazingly good deal on suit for Dave... (Dave has never had a suit and we had the money and we just couldnt pass up the great deal) and for the $44 dollar memory foam pillow I HAD to have cuz i cant sleep worth crap unless my neck and head are comfortable, then we saw the money we spent on gas for 2 vehicles that are my parents that we use so therefor we insure and pay gas for, then we saw the bills we had to pay (if i let Dave have his way we wouldnt pay them) and then we had our grocery bill, which we have no idea why it is the high, when niether of us is home to eat dinner, and we usually sleep through breakfast, so paid a lot of money it seems for just lunch food. We must eat like pigs. hahaha. SO there we have it. We found out where all our money went, we were a little amazed on how fast it went, but it always seems to be that way. It is a kick to the stomach when u feel u work all the time and your money is gone in 3 days after getting paid. LOL. It makes us laugh, but it is a sad laugh. we wonder if we will ever get the car fixed, but we know we will, its just a matter of when... Dave jokes and says that we will probably fix it when we get our taxes back in about months. I realy hope it is before then. Untill the car is fixed, we are grateful to my parents for their help on letting us use their vehicles.

Sam's Club and Family...

So today we went to Sam's Club, and i am amazed by it. I have been there several times and i cant seem to get over a one thing. LIKE how you buy only a few items, but you spend over a hundred dollers! Its irratating. Why do bulk items have to cost so much. AND.... sometimes you really dont want 60 packages of sunflower seeds and you just want 10! Why can't their be an inbetween. It has to much bulk for me. However one of their best deals is their milk, and bananas, so much cheaper than at the store. ANYWAYS... So as some of you may know my younger brother and his wife have moved to missouri. They live in springfield with her parents and that is about 30 minutes from here. We all are super happy about it. Its nice to have a sibling around especially steven since we are so close in age, we get along great! Well like today Dave me and my mom went into springfield to go to sams club and run some other errands, and steven came and met us at sams club and hung out with us, Kaitlynn couldnt, she was working, but it was still fun! It reminded me of when we were younger. It's just nice to have more family around, i wish i could have more... but it just nice having some.

Angels and Demons and Backyard Burger!

So Dave and I finally were able to out on a date. It was a day date but still a date. We haven't been able to spend much time together lately. We both have been working like crazy. So yesterday we went out to lunch in springfield. We went to backyard burger. Which is a really good, the only thing i didnt like was their expensive strawberry lemonade. It had way to much sugar. So dont get that! They also have mini coblers, so Dave got an apple, and a blackberry cobelers. They were so good!!! We enjoyed lunch. Then we went to the movies and we were about an hour early and they have an arcade so Dave and I wasted like $7 on arcade games. Then we got Dave his popcorn and we went to see Angels and Demons. I was not super excited to see it, there were some other movies i wanted tosee asweel and this was the one Dave chose. Then so we LOVED it. It was such a good sequal. We almost think is was better than the first. It was a lot easier to follow than the first and there was a lot more action. It was so intense. Tom Hanks is such a great actor and Ewen Mcgregor does an awesome job as well. There are several twists! It is kinda long but its not boring at all. So we say GO SEE IT! Worth the money! So we had an awesome date! We felt like we were dating again! :)

Another New Nephew!

Well recently My borthers wife had a new baby boy, and then a few days later Daves sister had her baby which is a boy also! His name is Jackson James Patience. I havent seen any pictures yet of him. But he is a tiny little baby, only 4 pounds and he was born on time! He was way to little to be a full 9 months. I was 4 punds and i was born 5 weeks early. They think he was that small because they think the cord was wrapped around his neck for awhile and he didnt get all the nutriants he needed to be bigger, but he is fine now and at home with mom (Dave's sister Heidi) who is bed ridden, because during her labor her blood pressure shot up super high and it hasnt gone down. So she is home being taken care of by her husband. But other than that, they are fine! YEA! Congrats to Heidi and James!

Poor Lulu!

So for the last two weeks Lulu (family dog) has been coughing and gaging. She hasnt been running around because everytime she does she coughs. It is so sad! So we took her to the vet because we were concerned. We thought she might have heartworm. Bur she doesnt which is GREAT! She actually has bronchitis. Who knew dogs could have branchitis!? Well she she is on antibiotics and we can give her normal cough medicine! Weird huh! So anyways we are really happy she is ok!

My New Nephew

~~~Spencer Micheal Boren~~~

My new nesest nephew was born on thursday morning! He is the son of Kevin and Christine. He obviosly has red hair just like Katelynn (his sister). They didnt want to know the sex of the baby untill he was born so this whole time they have been cluless about what he would be. Meanwhile Katelynn his now big sister kept saying he was gonna be a boy and nobody else thought he would and turns out she was right! They are so excited nd happy and they are now at home! I am super happy for them! I can't wait to see my newest nephew!

Steven's Wedding

Me and my little brother!

Steven and Katelynn at the luncheon.

Cute... First dance!


Our family!

Steven and Katelynn got married on March 28th at the Bountiful Temple. They were so happy! It was a beautiful wedding and we are so happy for them. We had such a wonderful day. After the wedding we went to a luncheon at Tucano's and it was so yummy and filling! It is a very nice place. Then we went to the reception and we had a blast. I loved the chocolate fountain and so did everybody else! We got steven and Katelynns car! It was defenitly payback for steven getting our of our cars when we all got married! Katelynn looked so beautiful and was glowing! I cant believe my little brother is married now! Congrats to them both!

Here we come Utah!

So as some of you may know, my younger brother (Steven) is getting married on March 28th. So Dave and I are obviously going! We are leaving tomorrow the 25th and we are super excited. We dont get to stay very long, we fly home on the 30th. But while we are there we will see my entire family, and Two of Dave's sisters. Since we dont have time to go to Idaho they are coming down for a day! Oh and my mom insists on having a family photo since we have no idea when we will all be together again. Sad! But anyways i am so excited for Katelynn to be my new sister n law! Steven and her make such a cute couple! I am also super excited to see my bestest friend ever Hennifer! And something that i think is cool is that Dave and I will be flying together on a plane for the first time! FUN! I cant wait. Dave is so excited to have time off at work, he needs a break! So this is kinda our first real vacation! Well i will let you know how ot all goes!

Shamus O'Rielly

So our ward was having a St. Patricks Day theme for our March ward party. So my mom asked Dave to play a very tall leprechaun. So he agreed. It was so entertaining to watch him! He played such a great leprechaun, he had a great irish accent! We called him Shamus O'Reilyy. He made the whole ward laugh. He read a story about a leprechaun and a boy to the primary kids. They enjoyed it. Dave is so good with kids. He is going to make a great father someday! Needless to say i laugh every single day, several times a day. I'm grateful for being so lucky to have married such a funny and wonderful husband. My life definetly isnt boring. Oh!! and im lucky to have my birthday on St. Patricks Day! I cant wait to here Dave's Irish accent again! :)

wInTeR sToRm

So on Monday (January 26th) we had the beginning of a winter storm. The first night we got freezing rain! Which is really bad stuff. It makes everything icy! Then it turned into sleet. And we ended up getting like 2 inches of sleet over the next two days. Then the sleet turned into snow! we got 4 inches of snow!!! I was so excited! It was so pretty. It snowed hard for like 3 hours straight. That night Dave got a ride to work. And my dad and I went into town to pick him up at like 1:30 a.m and coming out of the garage we got stuck. Haha. but we got out of it. And we were able to get Dave safely. Then Yesterday Dave and I wanted to play in the snow. So we did! It was fun but super cold. It was like 4 degrees with the wind chill, and so we didnt stay out very long. But we enjoyed it! Lulu was outside with us and after like 10 minutes she started whimpering and we saw that she was keeping her feet up. The snow was too cold for her feet! It was so sad to watch her. We finally got her back in the garage.

New Years Eve

So for New Years Eve my parents had some friends over. Dave couldnt be there he had to work. I was kinda sad he had to but whatever. So there was about 13 people there. It was really fun. We played some games, ate food, and of course socialized. Everyone enjoyed themselves. So ate midnight we at took pictures. Well In this picture i was talking to Dave wishing him a happy new year cuz he was on his way home from work. It was a good night. We all dodnt go to bed untill like 2 a.m. I have no idea why. So we all slept in. My mom and I watched the Rose Parade. Just kinda a habbit. It was pretty. Dave didnt get up till 12. And he didnt have to work so we were just kinda lazy all day. It was a relaxing, peaceful day.